Things people without tattoos like to say and how to respond to them

People sure do say the darndest things to folks with tattoos Even when said with curiosity and well-intentioned, there are certain things that probably should just be kept to onesself. Here are some of the more tiresome, common, ridiculous, and downright rude things I've heard and that have been said to other people about their tattoos, and some fun responses you can give if you're on the receiving end of one!

"What if you regret getting a tattoo?"
--I already regret not getting one yet!
--It's not guaranteed I'll regret a tattoo in the future, but it is guaranteed that I regret having this conversation right now.
--In an age when laser removal and cover-ups exist, I think I'm OK taking the risk.

"You shouldn't get one, tattoos don't look good on women."
--It's a good thing I'm not getting one to increase my sexual attractiveness.
--Neither does being so goddamned rude.
--Crazy how we used to say the same thing about, you know, pants!

"Why would mutilate your body like that?"
--Why do you view it as mutilation in the first place?
--I'm sorry, I got this sick ass panther scar in a car accident...(then start crying)
--Ex-fucking-SCUSE me??

"You know those are permanent, right?"
--For the price I paid, I fucking hope so!
--What do you mean? Don't they fade away after a few months??
--I don't think you understand how tattoos are supposed to work, my friend.

"Won't they look bad when you're 80?"
--Not as bad as my entire body is going to look when I'm 80.
--By the time I'm old I'll have more important things to be concerned about.
--Everything decays and grows old over time, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't be able to enjoy it now.

"Can I touch it?"
--Sure! Can I touch you as well?
--Can you? Yes. May you? No, you may not.
--I wouldn't touch it if I were you, it might burn your skin off.

"You'll never be able to get a good job."
--Thanks, but I already have a good job, sooooo....
--Well, it's a good thing most jobs require I cover myself in clothing.
--You shouldn't be ably to get one with a shitty attitude either, but here you are.

"What does your tattoo mean?"
--I'm sorry, that's a really personal question and it makes me uncomfortable.
--It means, 'wow, I really like that snake!'
--Excellent question! I specifically got this BECAUSE it has no meaning.

What sorts of things have people said to you about your tattoos that made you go "huh?" and how did you respond?